Welcome back to Ponderton, its been a while. Ive been lost amongst the stars and the darkness in blissful quiet for a little while.
Its been a long time since this kind of stillness has been upon me, since ive felt the diamonds of the sky kiss my skin at night.
The realisation that many of the thoughts that once dug deep and caused pain in me, had come to hurt less in my many visits to to this Fair Land.
Ponderton had helped me in not only understanding my pain for many things but finding a way to live with it and reduce its impact on my daily life, and then, and this was the revelation to me, break it down into smaller pieces; so rather than dealing with an all consuming issue that i had no idea how to tackle, i was able to take it to pieces and assess each element in its purest form for what it was.
It was no simple task, or one that happened quickly for me.
But it came to me Under the Oak in Ponderton; a way to remove myself from something that was all i could be or do, or see or think about and was crippled with feelings of hurt, pain, dispair and loss and this generated huge amounts of resentment and anger in me.
So i ask you, kind visitors here Under-The-Oak, indulge me while i spin you the yarn of the Chained Trunk. Imagine if you will, the source of your pain and dispair has stopped being an emotional and physical response that you are experiencing in your body and your mind, and it has instead manifested as the most unwieldly creature you can dream of.
Mine have ranged from problematic pixies with stomping feet to creature features the necronomicon would be proud of. What ever it is however big and annoying it is, the more you focus on it, the more it feeds and grows ( this is not a new idea-see any creature that feeds on emotion in the supernatural world)
All it wants is your attention. All of it. All of the time. It is demanding obnoxious and exhausting.
Enter The Trunk.
No matter how big and powerful the creation is, you can force it into the trunk. Slam lid down and lock it. Chain it. Sit on it and breathe. Breathe the clear air and remember that the issue is in the trunk.
It exists, you need to deal with it, and it will keep trying to escape, but if it does you put it away, so you sit on it, chain that fucker closed again.
If a finger or a tentacle pokes out. Cut it off mentally. Acknoweledge that it is connected to the bigger issue, but kick it into the fire, let it burn then be done. A little hurt for a bigger win. The rest of it is still safe.
Thing is you cant ignore it forever, but what you can do is choose when you will tackle it or see what you can do about it.but if you are not feeding it constantly it wont be getting stronger.
Occasionally come along, at a time of your choosing and kick the trunk, open the trunk, poke inside If it rolls about in fury Acknowledge it, tell it to fuck off and chain it back up as you know that you arent quite ready to deal with all this yet.
Go do something else. Maybe make a point of sitting with your back to it and doing something nice for yourself in the vicinity of the dammed thing. Sit on it while you do something else.
If you dont feed it, it ,eventually, one day when you poke it, or even twat it with that big stick, it wont react at all, out of curiosity you will unlock it and you will look inside and will find it is still there, but is is dead, it has given up and turned to stone.
Now at this point you have to decide what to do with it, are you going to set up a rock garden of things you survived?
Are you going to leave it where it is and move on to other places. Time gets to all stone monuments eventually and will soften the edges, it can be a place of rememberance, perhaps of sadness, but like a cemetary dont cry at a grave, they are no longer there and it achieves nothing.
Alternatively you may wish to take it out and keep it as a memento to carry about with you? Remind you at all times what you have been through?
Stones are heavy, you cant carry many, especially if they are big ones, and it is easy to get hurt if someone gets hold of it and unexpectedly drops it on you, or worse offers to help you with the load then lets go and it rolls back and crushes you. So you dont tell anyone that you have all these stones to carry about. You keep them in the chained Trunk. You worry about it, you keep it secret, you keep it safe. It is yours alone. No one else will understand or can help. You are feeding it again, but in a different way; When this happens it will become heavier and heavier until it takes all your energy and attention to carry the burden are unable to do anything else. It consumes you.
But consider that once it is stone and its not constantly trying to strangle you, trip you up, stab you or sleep with everyone you know, you can chip it into smaller bits.
Once this eldrich abomination is in bits big enough to carry, you can take them on short journies at your leisure to the river. You can dump the bits you dont want to keep here and there as you choose. In short you no longer have to carry the full weight.
Sort through the rocks you have just smashed up and work out which ones will benefit from being disected further and which ones will just smooth over by taking them to the river and letting them be erroded by the power of the elements-whittled down to sand.dust on the wind. Its not quick, but it works.
Bit for the ones you choose to keep, and those you want to disect you need to look at why you are keepinh them- is it because there is something nice or of value in there for you? Is there something that you can learn from or share with someone.
Carrying round a backpack of stones can make make you stronger, but some can make you richer. Amonst the rubble there will be diamonds.
While you are sorting through your bashed up pile, which is now in maneageable chunks, keep an eye out for diamonds in the rough. Which things might be useful for the future? Which bits * do* you want to take with you. Not all of it needs to be left to the course of nature, gather up the bits you want. You may find a bit later you want to trade them in you for supplies and equipment. Wood to burn, meat to eat, water to drink. Food for the soul.
Others can be cast into the sky to shine brightly and light your path when it is dark or remind you where you are and where you have been. Some can be taken home and brought to a shine, not all of your burden may need disgarding. Perhaps some when you look back on it can be treasured.
Not all rocks are useless, we just need to know how to sort through a pile of rubble and give ourselves a lot less to carry in our trunk.